You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
