goodnight i made you a song goodbye
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Randomize
