Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
