Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
This girl is more easily done than said...
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
