singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
