i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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