We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
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I stole so many things from the ER last night.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
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My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
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