is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
