bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
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