i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I got inside last night via doggy door
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
