I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
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