I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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