Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
