I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
nutella sex= disaster
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
