Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
