You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Randomize
