We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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