then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
