So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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