I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I checked into jail on foursquare
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
