When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
