I wish I could teleport
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
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