So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
