using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Randomize
