piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
