I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize
