i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Randomize
