Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
