I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
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the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
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Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
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