I feel like abortions should bother me more
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
