he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
