So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
cat food counts as protein by the way
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
