we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
