I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
