i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
