Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
