That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Randomize
