I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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