really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
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And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
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I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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