oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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