why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
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