Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
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