We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize