singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
