I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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