I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
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