Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
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