Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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