When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Randomize
