apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
