We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
