Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
