how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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