I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Randomize
