Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
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