We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
