apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
