No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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