that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
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