i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
