I want to have your abortion
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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