I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
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