Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
