I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize
