I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize