In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
