i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Randomize
