just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
