Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Randomize
