Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
