theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize