my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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