I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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