Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
