so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Randomize
