We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
