I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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