in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
