dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
They took my balls.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
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