Do you still have your period?
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
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