im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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