Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize
