people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
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