stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
